The Interview - Story Version
When Mr Jones asked downstairs, he had been told to take the lift to the third floor, turn right and go through the double doors. He pushed the doors aside with an air of superiority only to find that he was now in a short hallway with two empty chairs. At the end of the hall was another door with a sign 'Wait here until you are called'.
He sat down trying not to crumple his shiny blue suit. After a short while his impatience took hold and he began to fidget and twiddle his thumbs.
The double doors swung open again. A woman in a dark coloured business suit enquired rather timidly. "Is this Oberlong Industries?"
"Yeh. Hope so. Damn well better be."
The new arrival sat on the other chair and asked another question. "Are you here for the job interview as well?"
"Yep, 4:30 appointment."
"That's odd - same as me. What's the time now?"
Mr Jones looked at his watch with a flourish to make sure she saw his gold bling.
"It's already gone 4:30 - they're late."
"Wow, that's a nice watch - Rolex?"
"Yeh, well - maybe - maybe not - I got it in Hong Kong so - you know what I mean. But it looks good. Eh?"
"Yeh - I was told that appearances are everything."
"You're right there. Number one rule - first impression is critical."
There ensued a period of silence during which they both stared straight ahead, not looking at each other. Then she spoke again. "I don't know about you, but I'm nervous, This is my first interview."
"First interview? Do they do a second interview here? I thought they said they would be offering the job today."
"No no - MY first interview. I've never done a job interview like this before and really don't know how to handle it. And as for sales - that's not my game at all - I would hate it."
"Did you say you hate sales?"
"Yeh - no way - that's not me."
Mr Jones looked at her with a sneer. "So why are you applying for this job, dear? As a sales manager?"
"I know - it sounds dumb but I thought I need to learn - I need to gain interview experience and why blow my chances on a job I might actually want. So here I am - but sales? Absolutely NO."
"And you've never had a job interview? Never?"
"No never - not like this. I have read some books about it - you know 'dress well, be on time, be honest' etc."
"Yeh - well take it from me, lady, some of that's real stupid. Le'me tell you. The number one rule - honesty in an interview is for losers."
"Honesty is for losers? Surely not. Surely you … really? But what do you mean?"
"Ok - your CV - have you been honest or made it sound better than the truth?"
"Well honest of course."
"No no, you're being stupid. Exaggerate everything. That's the number one rule. If you got bad grades, boost them up - they never check. If you've had a lousy job, invent some important sounding thing you had to do - again - they never check. Number one rule - make yourself sound bigger and better than you are."
"Interesting - very interesting. I think I see where you're going."
There was another period of silence after which she again started a conversation. "You've done this before haven't you?"
"Yeh - it's how you move up. Apply for a job - work at it for a while - apply for another - exaggerate what you did - get the next job, and it goes on - that's the number one rule, love."
"Always in sales? Have you done this all the time in sales?"
Our man in the shiny blue suit was now in his element. "Yeh - I'm a top salesman - George Jones at your service ma'am. That's me and I'm great at it." He leaned towards her and smiled. "And it means I earn big bonuses."
"Oh. So why are YOU here?"
"In the last place, one of the contracts went a bit south if you know what I mean. You might say the customer perhaps got slightly less than they were expecting?"
"You mean you lied?"
"Come on - you can't be that naive. Number one rule in sales - tell the customer what they want to hear - not what you can provide. That would be stupid."
"If that's right - it's certainly not for me. I couldn't do that."
"Hey - since you're not really wanting this job, le'me tell you. Sales is all about conning the customer. Over state what the product can do. Get them excited - it doesn't matter - I'm never the one who has to provide the product - that's production's job - not mine. That's the number one rule in sales - over sell the product and over sell yourself."
"Yeh?"
"The bigger the lie - the bigger the contract - the bigger the bonus and the easier it is to get the next job. Keep on moving - that's the number one rule."
"You make it sound so easy but I just don't think I could do that. Trying to persuade people to do things they wouldn't otherwise do? No - that's not me - not sales."
Silence descended again. George began to have a smug smile as he realized that the job would be his - he could see this lady was no threat.
However, after a long silence curiosity won and George asked a question. "Ok. If you're not in sales, what is it you do then?"
"I'm more of a scientist."
"What - experiments an' that kin' a stuff?"
"Yeh we design experiments and see if they work. See if the results are what we expect."
"And if they aren't - d'you fudge the results? I mean, are you always honest? Or d'you do a bit of exaggerating - you know - kind'a like us sales boys?"
"Well, sometimes we need to hide what we are doing during the experiments."
"Hide your experiments, eh? Dangerous chemicals and all that stuff. So, le'me understand. When the men have finished doing an experiment you come in and clean the place up, eh? Do the guys ever let you do any of the actual experiments?"
"Actually we work with people not chemicals."
"Experiments on people? That sounds weird. Gi'me an example."
"Actually that's quite easy to give you an example."
"Easy? How?"
"Well let me put it this way. You've been the experiment and I think we'll stop this chat now and I'll just say thank you Mr Jones for your time. I think you have told us here at Oberlong, all we need to know about you."
George sat up a bit straighter. "What do you mean - I've been the experiment? What are you saying?"
"Well let me put it another way. Oberlong Industries has been trying out a new interviewing technique in which we aim to assess an applicant's adaptability, personality and above all their honesty in an unexpected setting - right here - in the hall - right now. That's why there are only two chairs."
George's face took on a menacing look. "I don't think I fully understand."
"OK - I'll be more explicit. Our discussion has been your interview for the job. Given the things you've said about yourself and your attitude towards honesty and the companies you've worked for, I think you'll understand when I say there is no way I will be recommending you for the job. Sorry, but Oberlong Industries will not be offering you the sales manager's job. Thank you Mr Jones for coming along but the answer is no. Can you find your own way back?"
"What? You cannot be serious. You were interviewing me all this time? Typical damn deceiving two-faced woman. So that's how Oberlong operates - glad I found out in time. What a shower! I'm leaving right now and don't bother to write - I wouldn't work for Oberlong - not now - not never."
As our blue suited salesman barged out through the double doors he was still expressing his displeasure. "Underhanded dirty tricks - unbelievable! I'm getting out of here right now while I can. Goodbye!"
The double doors swung closed and there was silence again.
The lady reached in her bag for a mirror and checked her hair and makeup.
After a pause, the other door opened and Clarissa entered carrying an official looking clipboard. She looked perplexed. "Have you seen a gentleman here, a Mr Jones?"
"There was somebody here - a George Jones? He seemed really annoyed - kept looking at his watch and said something about never wanting to work for Oberlong anyway and stomped out."
"Oh pity - he looked quite promising. And you are?"
"Catherine Malloway. I've a 5 o'clock appointment. I'm applying for the sales manager's job."
Clarissa looked at her clipboard. "Ah yes. I see you're early but come on in. Please come this way."
THE END
